experiencing:  the first kisses

boudoir model tri-com boudoir class covina, ca april 2011

 the first kiss always gets to me.

the best kissers ive had are the ones who lean in close, daring me to meet their mouths, not going all the way, waiting for me to respond.

and it is at this point i am dizzy, the anticipation overwhelming.

and when his lips find mine, when he parts them ever so slightly, and when he pulls me closer (or do i move?), it is then that i have lost control.

which is fine by me.

i miss this.  its been so long really since ive been with a great kisser.  ive kissed many just this year alone, and ive been told that my kisses spin them, but really?

i want to be the one to say that.  i want to be taken.

i want to be amazed in a powerful way that changes me.

i crave this.

*****
Heavenly Father, You have brought so many good and lovely men in my life.  i am grateful that You know what i need and provide for me.

i ask You to place spirits in my path who will bring me closer to You, who will help me develop as a woman and as a lover, who will teach me about love and pain and truth and joy.

in Jesus' name, i pray.

amen.

a quickie

shirt chumash pow wow malibu, ca april 2011

 i will be back soon.

just needed a bit of a reprieve from my thoughts and ultimately for myself.

since the last time i was here:  ive been on spring break, i have a meeting with usm about the spiritual psychology, my son has decided on a university that i regard with disdain (and i struggle with accepting it), ive slept with a man who has the hugest cock, ive slept with a bipolar virgo, ive slept with the 29 yo (who is now 30), i fucked a guy who i have no interest in but the situation was erotic, i smoked some shit again and missed my dtla friend, ive been in a disarray.

and its lent.  well, the tail end of it anyway.  its holy week, and i am carrying my own cross and going through my own persecution.  its all emotional and psychological, of course, but still...its painful.

im off to shower, run errands, get a massage, and spend a day with the vansa.  i need to shake this funk.  its been almost 40 days.

see you soon.