late nite musings

heart  pch july 2013

i spent today editing pics from vansa's parent's 50th wedding anniversary two weeks ago.  it took about five hours to retouch 125 pics, using the adobe photoshop express app, and i have to be honest.

i miss photographing.

i think i do really well with portraits and landscapes, but i dont know how i can make money doing it.  do i want to?

yes.  shel suggested senior portraits, and i think shes right.  and its about time.

*****
i met vansa, and we had dinner and did some shopping at the americana.  it was pretty nice.

we spoke about life and work, and she said, did i ever tell you about my fantasy life?

no.

youre living it.

i am?

yeah.  i want to live in my own place alone, come home whenever i wanted, leave whenever i wanted, sleep with whoever i wanted.

oh, my god, i AM living your fantasy life.

she said she lived vicariously through me, and that my life was fun.

it hasnt been lately, but thats due to circumstance.

i dont normally engage in any social situations (with men) during the fall because its a time i give myself to renew and regroup and focus on work.

*****
i told her that i wanted to move to sf in a year.

this is something that i am manifesting and planning.

i think its going to work out this time.

i cant swing it this upcoming year, but the year after that, i know it will definitely work.

*****
nothing grand has been happening.

nothing dramatic.

nothing stressful.

life is just peachy as we move into the holiday season.

it feels nice, safe, and yes, a bit boring, but.

i can live with boring.

*****
i feel changes in the air, though.

i feel something brewing, some excitement, some adventure.

i dont know specifics, but it feels strong.

and i am ready.

*****
see that heart up there?

i took it when i was with rtw in big sur.

i like how it looks.

i like how only part of it is deeply shaded in the sand.

i like how its not perfect.

it feels like the one that beats inside of me.